I Can't Believe You're Eighteen, I mean, You're Smaller Than Us
by Miss Milk
Summary: Eighteen year old John Egbert, stuck with a height of a 16 year old, is left to babysit three brothers, while their guardian takes care of the family industry. On the other hand, these three brothers, 16 year old twins, Dave and David, and 17 year old Dirk, try to prove that they can take care of themselves, though, not in the most conventional way.
1. Knock on Wood

There came from the door a knock.

Two.

Three.

"Will somebody get the damn door!" somebody yelled from inside one of the rooms.

"Not it!" another voice answered from the opposite direction.

"Dave! David! One of you get the door!" the older, much deeper voice ordered, his tone verged on irritability.

Two voices both cried out in unison, "Make Dirk get it!"

"I'm busy coding, you little shits!" a slam came from Dirk's room, obviously not liking all the noise that was making him lose his concentration. Sounds of him typing away on his keyboard made the older, Bro, leave him alone.

"Will somebody just let me in!" the voice behind the door thumped the door rather loudly, making it shake.

Dirk, who had enough of all the racket, answered it. In the end, his three other brothers had made him lose his cool and get it. He began planning his revenge when he opened the door, thoughts ready to pick out the weaknesses and tongue sharp with insults. He could take on anyone in a fight, verbal and physical, the only exception being Bro, but that goes without saying. He was ready to take on whatever poor human had decided to barge in and demand that he be let in. He was ready to take on the pitiful soul that had disturbed his peace. Expect the unexpected was the rule in the Strider household. He didn't expect to see, when he opened the door, was a kid.

A geek.

Nerd.

Typical bedhead, stereotypical buck teeth, the ugliest fashion sense he had ever seen and

blue eyes.

The kid's eyes were the ones that hit him the most.

Bluer than the ocean and sky combined.

Bluer than the ocean, sky, and those weird blue alien things from the shitty Avatar.


	2. Orange, Orange, Red, Orange

Dirk stared him down, his hand still on the doorknob. The kid's bright blue eyes looked back at him. Dirk had to admit. The kid has guts to meet his gaze.

"Aren't you going to let me in?" he asked, his foot tapping impatiently and a cocked eyebrow.

Dirk sneered in response "Excuse me? "

He scratched his head, a sure sign of his annoyance. "I'm the babysitter," the brunet tried again.

Dirk laughed.

A loud laugh.

And Striders don't just laugh unless it was really funny or they were trying to be condescending.

His laugh was condescending.

After laughing his condescending laugh, he stopped and stared at him. "You're joking,"

"I'm not," he scowled up at him, which Dirk noted was actually cute.

Dirk let go of the doorknob, his grip had tightened on it and he hadn't noticed, and he put his hand on the doorframe, leaning in closer to the kid's face.

"Listen, kid," his breath fanned near his face, which had increased in shade, and Dirk was glad that he hadn't eaten anything yet, just had a bottle of orange soda.

"What are-"

"Between the both of us, you're the one who needs a babysitter,"

A gloved hand hit Dirk on the back of his head "Quit harassing him. He's the one who's going to be taking care of you,"

Dirk rubbed his aching head. He hadn't expected that. Bro was going to kick his ass later for that little slip of his. "You can't be serious," he tried to keep his tone steady but Bro knew he was confused. He was going to be sorry for this later, he could feel it.

"I am, little man. I am," Bro placed his hand on Dirk's shoulder and pulled him away from the doorframe. "Come on in, Egbert,"

Egbert, at least, Dirk had hoped it was his last name, came in, after he nodded his thanks to Bro for finally letting him in. He made his way to the living room as he tried his best not to get tangled in the wires and piles of junk that littered their apartment. When he was in the living room, Egbert bit his lower lip, looking quite unsure what to do.

Bro followed and Dirk shut the door, quite curious as to what was going on. This had to be a joke. An ironic joke. Bro couldn't be serious about a babysitter. Bro knew that Dirk could take care of himself. He also knew that when Dirk was with Dave and David, his mother bird instincts would kick in and he'd try even harder to take care of all three of them. Bro coughed, drawing Dirk's thought back to him and Egbert. "Dirk, as you know, this guy," he jerked his thumb at Egbert "is your babysitter,"

Egbert smiled at Dirk, his heart started to beat faster, "So your name's Dirk. Nice to meet you. I'm John Egbert," John's eyes had started to brighten a bit. Dirk felt his lips twitch into a smirk. His eyes grew brighter when he smiled. He'd like to see him smile more.

"So," Dirk started, looking back to Bro "this isn't some ironic thing is it? Like," he looked at John, "he isn't some sort of one night stand is he?"

John coughed while Bro only grinned. "Nope. He's going to be looking after you three,"

"Who is?" two voices in sync with each other piped from behind Dirk.

"John Egbert," Dirk told them.

"Who's that?"

"Your babysitter, "Bro cocked his head in John's direction.

The two voices stepped forward; both were wearing the same shades. The only difference was the color choices of their shirts. One wore a white shirt with red sleeves while the other wore an orange shirt, the same shade of orange that was Bro's cap and on Dirk's shirt design, which was also a cap.

"You're kidding right?" red sleeves asked, one of his eyebrows were raised.

"Look at him. He's as tall as us," orange shirt said with a teasing smile.

"Actually, I think both of you are taller than him, Dirk interjected.


	3. 5'4 and Full of Moxie

John cleared his throat. "Are all of you done making fun of my height?"

The twins chuckled like a secret thought had passed, shared between the both of them. The hair on John's neck stood up. He didn't like the sound of their quiet laughter.

Dirk had noticed some of John's unease. "Relax. What you just witnessed was a power between twins that's sometimes called 'telepathy'." Dirk said trying to calm John's nerves. He added air quotes just for the irony of it, or at least what he thought was irony, and got a nervous lilting laugh from John.

John shifted his eyes from Dirk to the twins. "So do they have names or should I just call them Thing One and Thing Two or what?" His lips curved into a small smile that left his two prominent upper teeth peeking out.

"I'm Dave, "the one with red sleeves came closer "and he's," nodding his head at the one in the orange shirt "David."

"Make sure not to mix the both of us up or you're going to regret it," David added. "We might look identical but that doesn't make us the same person. Got that?"

John scoffed. "How can I not mix you two up? I mean, look at both of you," he waved his hand at them "same shades, same hair, same height. Isn't that a bit unfair to me? I've barely known you guys and here you are telling me to not get confused between the both of you." but before John could even finish ranting, Bro cut him off.

"Alright then, introductions aside, let's all talk about why John is here," Bro said as he sat down on the futon. John sat next to him and scratched the back of his ear. Hadn't Bro already told his younger brothers about what was going on or what was going to happen? John shook his head. Surely Bro knew what he was doing. He always did.

Dirk followed and sat near John, sandwiching him between the Striders. Dave and David chose to sit on the floor.

"Now that the whole Strider clan is here, let's get down to business," Bro rubbed his hands together "as everyone might already know, my new smuppets creations, with the help of Dirk's amazing robot magic," Dirk smiled at the mention and tipped his head.

"Show off," one of the twins said. John smiled at them.

"Anyway," Bro drew everyone's attention back to him "since my job has been doing so well, other big league companies also want in on my secrets of the trade. But like fuck I'm going to just give those up. I'm going to die in a bathtub overflowing with spiders and seifukus before that happens,"

John raised his hand. "Wait, what are seifukus?" he asked.

"Do you watch anime, John?" David, at least John hoped so, asked.

"A little yeah."

"It's a schoolgirl outfit." Dave told him.

Both of the twins were looking at him and then looked at Dirk. "But Dirk knows a lot more about seifukus than us," they looked at Dirk, both of them wearing identical grins "Right, Dirk?"

Dirk only nodded, forcing himself to resist strangling them.

"He also knows omorashi."

"And shibari."

Dave and David looked at John; both of their smirks were still in place. John looked back at them, one eyebrow raised, and he looked at Dirk, who had been silently sitting in his spot, his mind running wild with slow and painful ways to off the twins.

"Because of all the benefactors who have suddenly grown an interest in my," Bro coughed. "Areas of specialization, I'll be gone from time to time."

Dirk crossed one leg over the other and propped his head in his hand. "For how long?"

Bro shrugged his shoulders. "It depends. I might be gone for a couple of days. Maybe 2 weeks. Hell, I might be gone for five months."

"So basically you'll be leaving us for a couple of months and we'll be stuck having to fend for ourselves?" questioned Dirk. "And to add on top of that we'll have to take of this guy?" Dirk shook his head. "Absolutely not. Bro," He stood up. "Why didn't you tell us first?"

Bro shrugged his shoulders and stretched his legs on the low coffee table. "I'm telling you now aren't I?"

Dirk's fists clenched and unclenched themselves. A corner of his mouth was twitched down. It wasn't obvious to John but the twins and Bro could see it quite plainly.

"Bro." said Dirk. Bro looked at him and Dirk stared back. Even though they were wearing their shades the tension between the both of them was obvious. Blades were going to clash later.

Bro stood up in one smooth movement and he stepped closer to Dirk. He towered over Dirk, and John, who was still sitting in between of the now standing Striders, suddenly felt even smaller. Dirk looked like a younger version of Bro, lean and strong but seeing them staring each other down, John could see the subtle differences that he didn't notice at first glance.

"Look," said John as he got in between them. "Yeah, we get it you're all pissed at him for not telling you guys," he put a hand on Dirk's shoulder and pushed him back lightly. "And you," he turned to face Bro but instead saw his chest. He swallowed down the sudden feeling of intimidation and looked up at Bro. "You're a dick for not telling your younger brothers." He frowned at him and hoped that Bro would take him seriously.

Dirk stared at John. There were only a couple of people who could call Bro out on his shit but even those few either got their ass whooped or got a sarcastic response from Bro. Even the twins, who stood up when John got in the middle, were surprised to see somebody who they just met call Bro a dick.

Bro grinned.

"Ya see that? That's why I chose him to watch the three of you," he grabbed John by both of his shoulders and spun him around so that he was facing the younger Striders. "He's got moxie."


	4. Starting to Get Hungry

John was speechless. So were the three other Striders.

Moxie was what had gotten him the job. It wasn't because he was responsible or caring or trustworthy. It was because he had damn nerve.

He felt humiliated and his face was starting to feel hot. He bit the inside of his cheek. John wanted to punch Bro's stupid grin off his face. He wanted to do it but Bro was stronger than him and much bigger too and if he ever tried to do it, Bro might break his arm.

Bro dropped his hands from John's shoulders. He walked past him, said something about take-out and asked if John was going to stay. John nodded. Bro got his wallet and the door clicked shut. The four of them didn't move.

Dave mumbled about making mixes and sick beats, saying that his creative flow was ruined and he was going to try and get that rhythm back. Or at least that's what John though Dave was saying. He wasn't sure. His voice started off strong but it trailed into a long winded metaphor and his voice became softer and softer until it was barely audible anymore. John was looking at Dave the whole time. He wondered if Dave talked like that all the time.

Dave went back to the twins' room leaving the three of them alone. John glanced at Dirk. "I hate to admit it but he's sort of right," said Dirk, punching him lightly on his shoulder. "You got nerve. Most people wouldn't do that. They'd be too busy being intimidated of Bro."

"Intimidated? Of him?" said John. He threw back his head and laughed obnoxiously, his mock laughter being the only sound in the apartment, besides the bass emanating from one of the rooms. The bass stopped when Dave heard John laughing.

"Okay, first off, he's a douche. A huge muscled, gel intoxicated, wears caps indoors, douche. Secondly, he didn't tell you guys that I was going to be looking after you," John paused and then nodded his head. "Yeah, that's all I've got right now but give me time I'll prove to you how much of an ass he is."

"We already know he's an ass," said Dave who was now standing by the door frame. "We're related to him remember?

"Are all of you guys dicks?" said John. He was tired because of the events that had just happened. He didn't have enough patience to deal with their bullshit. He sat back down on the futon and stared at the ceiling, wondering what he had done to deserve this kind of sick, twisted punishment. He sneered at the thought.

John heard someone sigh and he turned his head toward the sound. Dirk was shaking his head. His eyebrows were knit together and his lips were set in a straight line. Dirk wanted to say something but couldn't find the right words.

John looked at the twins. Dave was shuffling from one foot to another while David had his hands in his pocket and was in a very relaxed posture.

"So what's for dinner?" asked John. Thinking made even more tired than he was and being tired always makes him hungry.

No one answered him and that was alright. He didn't really care much by that point. He just wanted to eat, go home and sleep. He heard footsteps and doors opening and closing.

What had he gotten himself into.

Dave was back on his turntables with his headphones on. His twin, David, was laying on his respective bed, back flat against the mattress and his legs were propped up against the wall. They left the living room and Dirk followed them shortly, going back to his own room.

"He's cute." Said David.

"Got a nice ass too." Dave answered back.

"You could bounce a coin off of it."

"He'd look good in panties."

"Maybe a good spanking."

Dave stopped what he was doing and removed his headphones. He and his twin brother were sharing the same thoughts. Sometimes it scared him that he knew what David was thinking sometimes and vice versa. They used to think that it was some sort of cool power back in elementary. Now it was just weird.

He placed his headphones on top of his the turntables. He was sitting on the edge of David's bed while his orange eyed counterpart was sitting cross legged. David was tracing circles on the comforter.

"You think Dirk's thinking the same thing?" asked David.

Dave shrugged his shoulders. "Dirk thinks of a hell lot of things," he squeezed his knees. "Wouldn't be the first time that Dirk's thinking of getting it."

David looked at Dave. They just met the guy and to be honest, they thought he was pretty good looking. Even if they did have a two-year age gap. Age gap or not, John was hot.

And he was shorter than the both of them.

And those blue eyes of his.

And when he smiled.

The twins couldn't stop thinking about him.

They were still a little irritated that Bro never told them that he was going away for business meetings but their irritation was slowly going away. They couldn't stay mad at Bro forever, even though what he did was a dick move. Not when their babysitter was that cute.

Dirk was back in his room and the whole apartment was quiet again. Music and heavy bass was coming from the twins' room but it stopped and Dirk knew that Dave and David were talking. Talking about John.

Dirk reclined back on his computer chair, stretching his legs. He looked over on his latest project, the bolts and wires were strewn across the desk. He put a hand on the desk, picked up a screwdriver and attempted to continue where he left off.

He couldn't.

He let go of the screwdriver and started to tap his fingers on the desk. He was starting to get impatient.

He was starting to get impatient and he didn't know why.

(/;A;)/ -a horrible chapter but it'll get better soon


End file.
